the first leaf

Our favorite time of year captured perfectly by Anna.

Cool mornings, jammies, bare feet.

Welcome fall.

the lucky ones

But don't think for one minute that we ever take it for granted.

Life isn't always easy but together...we'll keep on keepin' on. One day at a time feels like leaps and bounds when you have each other.

trying to move on

Second 20 not as good as the first.

Right now I am just trying to not let it mess with my head. You know, look on the bright side.

Thank god it wasn't race day because I would have totally blown it.

Thank god I get another go (even if that go is race day).

Thank god I have a coach who will bring me back to earth and remind me of the realistic goal that was initially set for me.

Thank god said coach was able to talk me off the "ledge" I was on today without even knowing it (or maybe she was fully aware that I was on the verge of tears.)

My first 20 mile run was 2:53. No pausing, no stopping, no fudging numbers. Today... barely under 3 hours. I went out too fast and found myself unable to hold on to the pace I set for myself. When I finally hit the "wall" as much as I tried to rally mentally I just couldn't do it.

Are my expectations too high?

Am I being completely unrealistic?

I don't know.

All I know is that I spent countless hours away from an extremely supportive family for 1 Day.

They get it more than I do. They will be content to see me just cross the finish line of my first marathon.

Me?

I still need some work.

Anna E., Toothless Wonder

20 in the bank

*Once again, a training based post. More for me to reflect on than others to enjoy. Proceed with caution.*

5 weeks out.

I had my first of two 20 mile training runs this morning. I felt good after feeling terrible on even my shortest runs this week.

When I first decided to do this marathon I had zero expectations.

ZERO

I just wanted to complete a marathon. It was a going to be a check off of my bucket list.

As my training has progressed I started pulling down some good runs and thought maybe just maybe if I worked hard enough I could be looking at a Boston qualifying time.

Then the roller coaster set in...I had a lot of awful runs where I questioned whether I was even physically capable of completing 26.2 at all. I found myself barely able to keep up with my friends and dreading my next run.

Now I'm on the upswing. I'm figuring out my pace and actually surprising myself, running training runs that I never thought my body was capable of.

Here is the problem...

When I think that I am incapable I pull out my best times, because I don't care and just run.

When I do just let go and run, I see numbers that I am comfortably able to pull down and then question whether I am running to my potential. When I face that capability and "try"...

I choke.

Catch 22

With all of the preparation I have done for this marathon (including preparing to fly my entire family to Chicago) I honestly have no idea how it will all play out.

In a perfect world I will surprise myself and qualify for Boston. Not likely to happen but also not completely unrealistic. Ironically the only way that it could possibly happen would be for me to completely push that thought out of my mind and just run.

I should probably just be happy with completing my first marathon.

Thank goodness my family loves me or else they would commit me!